


Loki's Unforgettable Road Trip

by Darkwolfthewriter (Darkshardthedestroyer)



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Road Trips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-05-16 02:21:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14802530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkshardthedestroyer/pseuds/Darkwolfthewriter
Summary: The Asgardians made it to earth, and Loki had planned to merely rot in a filthy dungeon somewhere; but... Thor had other plans.Only hours after being bullied onto the Avengers team, Loki is dragged on a horrifying yet memorable road trip with not only the Avengers, but May Parker, Spiderman, and Doctor Strange.So with out further delay ;buckle your seat belts, grab the popcorn, and (more importantly) hold on for dear life, because chaos is about to ensue!





	1. Sentenced to Death (Or close to it)

Helicarrier-6:14 A.M.-

Loki's green eyes flashed in annoyance at the two men standing directly in front of him.

His brother, Thor, is smiling broadly, and Fury looks as annoyed as the god of mischief himself.

Standing right behind Thor is the entire Avengers team. They all stand uneasily; however, all had agreed to Thor's repulsive plan, and Loki was even less thrilled than the Avengers.

"I refuse." Loki stated flatly.

"As you have every tight to, however your options are limited. You can rot in an Asgardian dungeon, one of my super-max prisons, or… you can spend your next year on earth working, training, and  _living_  with the Avengers…" Fury announced coldly.

Biting his lip, Loki lowered his head and thought it through carefully. Thor had landed the Asgardians in Norway, and then asked the Avengers to consider the unthinkable. A couple hours later, Thor had dragged Loki to the helicarrier with the Avengers in tow.

"Brother-" Thor warned slowly.

"You can't do anything?" Loki asked the god of thunder.

Thor's frown was answer enough, causing Loki to sigh.

"Whatever, I'll let Thor decide." Loki shrugged.

"Good, Stark, here is your newest recruit." Thor announced brightly shoving his brother towards the Avengers.

Silence followed, and Tony ran his hand through his dark hair. "So we have this three week road trip coming up, and all the seats are full. I was hoping Loki could stay here until we get back." He finally announced with a sheepish grin.

Raising an eyebrow, Fury crossed his arms. "Didn't you tell me Daredevil was forced into that little arrangement? Oh, and from the sounds of it, Thor is too busy as king of the Asgardians; that's two seats open ,Stark."

Grinding his teeth, Tony replied, "Fine, I'll call horn-head and tell him he can stay."

"Good because I'm calling in an expert to take Thor's seat."

"Who?"

"A friend."

"I hate super spies."

"If it's any consolation, I hate you too."

Scowling, Loki rolled his eyes before asking, "When do we leave?"

"Four hours." Tony shrugged glancing at his watch.

"See you in a month, Friends. bye ,Brother." Thor stated before spinning on his heels and walking out.

"Wait ,Thor!" Loki called out, but Thor was already gone. "Well, that's just terrific. Did I tell you, Thor wanted to call us the Revengers?" He asked the group.

Everyone gave him a skeptical look.

This was going to be fun.

-Hell's Kitchen—7:27 A.M.-

"Hello you've reached Karen Page of Nelson's and Murdock Attorneys at law, how can I help you?" Karen Page requested cheerily into the phone.

" _Hey ,Karen, it's Tony, I need to talk to_ _the_ _ **other guy**_ _."_

"Right the other guy. Give me a minute." Karen placed a hand over the receiver and called into the other room. "Matt, it's for the  _other guy_."

"Thanks ,Karen, patch it through." Matt's voice filtered through the open door.

A few button pushes later.

"Matt here, to whom am I speaking?"

" _Good news horn-head, you're not going on the road trip today. We have to babysit Thor's adopted brother… Your seat's been taken."_

A few moments later, Karen dropped her pen in surprise to an overjoyed. "Wahooo!" Coming from Matt's office.

-Undisclosed Location—7:34 A.M.-

"I noticed Loki Laufeyson has come back to earth…"

"Yes, and I was hoping you might tag along an the Avenger's road trip, to… keep an eye on him." Fury nodded at the man.

"Is this another plan to get me on the Avengers team?"

"No, this is a plan to keep the god of mischief out of trouble."

The figure rubbed his beard and nodded.

"Fine, when do we leave?"

A smirk formed on Fury's lips.

-Avenger's Tower—9:55 A.M.-

"Okay, Cap has his bags; Nat, where are your bags… Oh, never mind; has anyone seen Loki?"

"I'm right behind you ,Mortal." Loki growled from an inch behind Tony.

"IIIEEE!" screeched the invincible iron man, promptly before dropping his tablet.

All eyes had shifted to Tony, and Natasha bore silent laughter in her eyes. Meanwhile, Hawkeye wasn't even trying to hide his laughter.

Turning slightly red, Tony scrabbled to grab his tablet whilst glaring at Loki.

Unceremoniously dumping his bag into the trunk of the minivan, Loki shot a mischievous grin at Tony.

"I hate you." Tony snarled under his breath.

"You hate a lot of people." was the sarcastic retort.

"Okay , _Children,_ Fury's guest is arriving." Natasha announced yanking a communications device from her ear.

A sizzling sound resonated through the garage and a gold glowing orb opened behind them.

A tall man in a brown leather outfit topped with a red cape emerged with a frown. He looked anything but happy as he eyed Loki.

"You." Loki hissed with venom in his voice.

"Ah, yes, I'm me, and you're you. Glad we have that cleared up." Doctor Strange grumbled.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Loki smirked. "You're the Director's  _expert_? I was expecting more than a common street magician."

Red color worked it's way up Strange's face, and his fingers clenched..

"Oh, I'm sorry did that offend you? You only need one hundred more years of practice to become a stage magician."

"This coming from the guy who manages to die twice… Yeah, Thor told us." Bruce muttered walking by.

"I can't believe Fury wants you to go with us. You're annoying enough from your Sanction Cremorium." Tony stated flatly.

"That's Sanctum Sanctorum, and Fury believes Thor's absence leaves me best suited to handle Loki." The magician curtly hissed.

"You do realize that I'm standing right here? And I agree ;we should leave now."

"Hey sorry I'm late!" A young voice erupted out of nowhere.

"Underoos, you're late." Tony snapped.

"Sorry." A teenage boy waltzed in, followed closely by a brown haired woman. She was in shorts and a blue blouse, and the boy was in jeans and a red tee shirt.

Loki's eyebrow shot up when the boy and woman stopped.

"What is he doin' here?" The boy asked.

"Peter, Loki is now an Avenger. It was Thor's idea to keep him out of trouble. Loki, meet Peter Parker and his Aunt, May Parker. They're the last two travelers." Steve Rogers introduced.

"And what are their powers?" Loki and Strange asked in unison, promptly before glaring at one another.

"Peter is the hero they call Spiderman, and Ms. Parker is his adorable doting Aunt who won't let him go alone with us for three weeks." Stark chuckled, receiving a horrified look from Parker.

"Aunt May spoke up. "You have a reckless tendency to find unwanted trouble. I'm going along to make sure things don't get out of hand. And let me tell you, I'm not afraid to lay the smack down on  _anyone_." She announced glancing pointedly at Loki.

He couldn't explain it, but this woman made him nervous.

His look of shock must have been evident because Tony was smirking.

"Well ladies and gentlemen, let's get this show on the road!" The billionaire shouted ecstatically.

Pushing and shoving resulted as the group piled into the car. After the roughest of the group had been seated, the four calmer souls (Loki, Strange, Bruce, and May) entered the vehicle.

"Alright, roll call. Natasha."

"Here"

"Clint"

"Here"

"Peter?"

"Yup!"

"Loki?"

"Isn't my presence obvious?"

"Yup he's here. Strange?"

"I'm present."

"May?"

"Oh, I'm here all right."

"Bruce."

"Yes?" Bruce looked up from the tablet he had his nose buried in.

"Steve?"

"Just get the car moving ,Tony."

"Alright people. The trip across America is starting in ,5"

"I'm already regretting this." Loki murmured from his cramped position in back between May and Strange.

"Four."

The engine whirred to life.

"Lets get going already!" shouted Peter, resulting in a warning glance from Aunt May.

"3"

"Darn it Tony!" Steve shouted.

"Language... 2"

"That wasn't even a swear word!" Cap snapped; Tony shrugged.

"1." The vehicle shot off at what anyone would have sworn was illegal speeds, and the road trip had started.

 


	2. One Eyed Fury Had a Team

-Tony's Minivan—10:05-

"Uh, Mr. Stark? I have to go to the bathroom." Peter timidly called from the middle row.

"You what?" Stark whipped around scowling.

With a few eye rolls and sarcastic comments, not five minutes into their journey they returned to the tower.

"Anyone else?" Stark asked coldly, after Peter had scurried upstairs.

He was given a rather grouchy glare from Loki and Strange, and the others shook their heads.

-Tony's Minvan—11:10-

"Seriously dude? Move OVER!" Tony snapped at Nat, who silenced him with a deadly glare. Tony muttered some things under his breath, and Nat automatically started chewing him out in Russian.

"Erm, Loki?" Bruce squeaked, eyes wide behind his glasses. The Jotun didn't even look at him, but answered anyway.

"What ,Mortal?"

"Erm, your elbow is kinda in my side…." Bruce stated meekly.

And indeed that was the case. Loki rolled his eyes, and effectively ignored the timid scientist. Tony and Nat sat in the front, the latter still jabbering angrily in Russian, and the genius hunched over behind the steering wheel, as if the circle of polished leather could protect him from the wrath of the angry assassin.

At the very back of the vehicle, Steve sat next to the window, reading (well, trying to read) a "for Dummies" book on the marvels on the iphone. The reason the cool super soldier was slightly aggravated could be attributed to the hyper teenage boy seated between Steve and his aunt. Normally, Steve wouldn't mind sitting next to the kid, but Peter was literally going to talk his ear off soon. Steve secretly wondered if the excited, puppy-like teen could talk that quickly because of his powers, or the time spent around a certain egoist with a fetish for metal suits,

"Mordo's boots, can that kid ever SHUT UP?" Stephen whined, and Barton rolled his eyes.

"He learned it from the best." Clint snapped, glaring at Tony, who was currently sticking headphones on, since Nat had decided to stop yelling in Russian.

"So, let me get this straight. You're Loki, and you're doctor weird?" Peter finally asked turning to face the two magicians.

"Strange. It's Doctor Stephen Strange. What about that is so hard to remember?" He asked the trickster.

Loki shrugged without looking up from the window he had been intently glaring through.

May watched him with a sense of pity. Sure, she was still wary due to the attack on New York, and Loki's condescending attitude was infuriating, but she also knew he was hurting. It was a look she had seen many times before...on many other people, and she wanted help with that.

"So ,Loki, tell me about yourself." She suggested, trying to break the icy tension that had arisen throughout the van.

"I'm the adopted brother of Thor, forced avenger, and not interested in divulging any other information to a lowly mortal." He snapped.

After a surprised exhale, May nodded and turned to Peter who had dozed off.

Strange hadn't taken his eye off Loki, and wasn't even attempting to have fun… Neither was Loki for that matter.

"I spy with my one little eye something yellow." May announced after a long moment.

"What?" Loki asked jerking up, a glimmer of annoyance lurked in his green eyes (though he would never admit being annoyed to Peter's terrifying aunt).

"It's a game, the one who guesses what I'm thinking gets to go next."

"Oh, Stark's yellow shirt with the bug eyes." Loki guessed without enthusiasm.

"I will have you know, this is a minion shirt from Despicable me." Protested Tony from the front seat.

"I've never heard of it."

"Y-you've never-. Okay, it's about this super-villain who turns good." Tony shrugged.

"Way to ruin a movie ,Genius!" Clint growled.

"Hmm, I wonder if there are any similarities between us?" The Jotun sighed thoughtfully.

"Yup, you both have the same nose." Clint snorted. Clint was meaning as an insult. He trusted Loki about as far as he could throw him, and was planning on making this trip a horrible one for the trickster.

Aunt May reached up and pinched the archer's arm, resulting in an unmanly and pained squeak.

"Sorry," he muttered under his breath, without a hint of remorse.

Peter started awake and hit Loki with his elbow.

"U-uh sorry Mr. Loki ,Sir." Peter apologized to the surprised trickster.

"Fret not; if that kind of thing annoyed me, Thor would have felt my wrath centuries ago." Loki smirked coldly.

A few minutes of eye spy lasted, but died off. Finally Tony had had enough of the tense silence. He could practically feel Loki and Strange glaring at each other, and Clint was hiding his unease with Loki by sulking quietly in his seat.

"Okay, enough is enough!" Tony finally shouted, his voice echoing through the vehicle.

"Loki, you have to participate in whatever we do; in fact so do you Strange. If I catch you two glaring at one another again, you both will be stranded by the side of the road... _together!_ " He took a calming breath. "Clint, Loki's part of the team now, so swallow whatever hatred you have for him, and act like a senior member of this team."

Clint dipped his head in submission but kept his scowl ,while Strange forced smile and Loki nodded.

"Good, because Jarvis and I have been working on a song!"

"Tony, don't you dare!" Natasha shouted, ramming her elbow into his side. The inventor let out a yelp as the car swerved, unnerving everyone including both magicians.

Tony pushed a button and "Old McDonald began filtering through the systems.

That's when Tony began singing.

" _One eyed Fury had a team…. EIEIO._

_And on that team he had an Iron Man… EIEIO._

_With a BOOM BOOM here and a BOOM BOOM there,_

_here a BOOM, there a BOOM everywhere a BOOM BOOM,_

_One eyed Fury had a team… EIEIO._

At this point Steve was face palming, and Peter bobbing his head in tune to the song.

That's when Nat began singing the next verse.

_One Eyed Fury had a team… EIEIO._

_And on that team he had a captain…. EIEIO._

_With a Shield, shield here and a shield, shield there,_

_here a shield, there a shield, everywhere a shield, shield,_

_One eyed Fury had a team, EIEIO_

The next verse involved Widow and her stingers… At this point Clint, and Peter started singing.

The next verse was Hulk with his smash… May and Bruce joined in, and Loki winced visibly.

Loki surprised everyone when he launched into the next verse, Thor with his Mjolnir, and Strange reluctantly found himself humming and then singing the next time through (If an ancient god of trouble making could sing... why not him?).

Soon the entire van was laughing and singing joyously. Loki would deny finding mortal activities enjoyable, but his slight smirk gave him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well with chapter two comes a very important introduction.
> 
> (Drumroll Please!!!!)  
> Introducing..... Ariathestarrprincess!
> 
> I'd like you all to meet my co-author for this story. She put a lot of input and work into this story, and you will definitely be seeing more of her.
> 
> Well, I will see you next week with chapter three.  
> Darkwolf out.


	3. Fast Food-.... THIS ISN'T FOOD!!!

-Stark's Minivan-1:28-

"Who's hungry?" Tony chirped with a great big smile on his face.

"Stark..." Steve said warningly.

"What?" Iron man bat his dark lashes innocently at the Captain.

"Nooooooo!." Clint groaned. As he caught on. "Don't even suggest it!"

"But-"

"If you make us eat shawarma ONE MORE TIME!" Natasha seethed, glaring daggers at the billionaire.

"You'll what?" Tony snapped. "Please share, oh famous Black Widow. Oh! Is that why you always wear black? Hmm. You should seriously try like a pink, or maybe a nice sea foam green..."

"Я убью тебя. медленный...но до этого я позволю твоей девушке убить тебя за то, что ты идиот.Небеса знают, чего она хотела почти десять лет." she muttered, and Clint choked on his coffee. (I'll kill you. slowly, but before that I'll let your girlfriend kill you for being an idiot. Heaven knows that's what she has wanted to do for almost ten years.)

"I'm just going to pretend I understood that." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Yo, Jarvis? What's the closest burger joint?"

"There are four hamburger restaurants within five minutes of your current location. Would you like a list?"

Before Tony could answer, Loki laughed. "Obviously that voice is your Artificial Intelligence."

"Obviously?" Tony turned to look at him, letting Jarvis drive.

"Yes, mortal. 'Obviously.'" He observed the curious faces around him in some dark amusement. "Your _Jarvis_ has the same accent as I do. Clearly that displays more intelligence than a mere human has. Since I have never known any mortal to be my equal in intelligence, it must be an artificial intelligence."

"Ooooooh!" Clint smirked, punching Loki on the shoulder (albeit a little harder than necessary) "Buuurn!"

Tony didn't miss a beat. "But I sorta created Jarvis. Thus, I am above Jarvis. Since you so Shakespearianly stated that you and Jarvis are equal," Tony faked a gasp. "You are apparently lower than me. But don't be offended. I'm just the smartest guy in the room."

"Double buuurn!" Clint sang, and the other avengers could hardly keep their smiles contained.

"Oh, yeah?" Stephen chuckled. "Then I'm above you all, because I'm a Ph.D, MD, and Master sorcerer. Stark is just a glorified hacker/mechanic. Without a doctor, he would've died of shrapnel."

"Oh, and pray tell how exactly you hurt your lovely little paws?" Tony pretended to think about this, while Strange glared. "Oh, yes! A machine! Darn it, too bad you didn't have your own personal AI to drive your oh-so-important rear to whatever it was you were going to."

Strange gave Tony a half-lidded look, and Peter pulled out his phone to record any further argument.

However, they were all thrown forward when the vehicle they were in stopped suddenly.

Peter's spider reflexes had him with one arm around his aunt (to protect her) and another arm around the super soldier (just because Peter felt a tad safer holding onto the legend) in a split second. Steve had grabbed Banner's collar, but the scientist' glasses still flew off his face. Loki hadn't moved a muscle, except a nearly-unnoticeable arm across Bruce who sat beside him. It was mainly due to this tiny movement that Banner hadn't gone flying forward.

Stephen's cloak had kept him in his seat, and to the sorcerer's irritation, said cloak had also found it necessary to wrap partly around Tony as well.

Only Nat and Clint were wise enough to have secured their seat belts beforehand.

"JARVIS!" Tony bellowed, swatting Stephen's cloak from his face. "WHAT THE-"

"Language!" Steve hissed, covering Peter's ears.

"I didn't say anything Rogers. But as I was saying before: JARVIS! WHY?"

He couldn't say for certain, but Tony was almost positive the AI sounded smug when he replied. "Terribly sorry about that. We're here, sir."

-Stan's Savory Stuff-1:34-

"What is this vile contraption?"

Loki sniffed in disgust, staring down at the greasy double cheeseburger. They were all scrunched into one booth at an unknown burger restaurant, and everyone else was eating their food.

"It's food, dude." Peter states with his mouth full. His brown eyes widened in horror as the god raised a jet-black eyebrow. "Um, I mean-"

"This is what mortals eat? No wonder you are so pathetic. I can hardly believe that you idiots call this," he gestured in disgust to the burger. "Sustenance. It's revolting."

"Yeah. And who tried to take over the world with an ARMY, and was stopped by six people? Oh, wait." Stephen strange rolled his eyes. "It was you!" He snorted out a laugh. "And Wong thought I was eccentric!"

Tony smiled widely at the sorcerer. "Well, apparently he was wong in his assumptions."

Stephen glared at him. "Don't..."

"Whaaat?" Tony snickered, poking Bruce with his elbow just in case he hadn't caught onto the joke. "Is something WONG?"

Bruce smiled faintly, and resumed eating his greasy meal.

"C'mon Loki." Rogers encouraged the newest avenger, trying to make him more comfortable. "Just try it."

Loki scrunched his nose at the burger again. "And you are sure this is fit for consumption?"

Clint shrugged. "Never said you should be eating it, or that it's healthy. We just said it's good."

"They're just trying to help you warm up to the team." May offered helpfully, patting Loki's hand.

A small smile cracked on Loki's face, then he started chuckling.

"It wasn't that funny." Steve said, confused. The blonde turned to the archer. "Was it?"

Clint shook his head, and Nat smiled along with Loki, getting the irony.

"I'm a Jotun." Loki chuckled.

Everyone just stared.

"And Lady May told me that you are trying to help me warm up..."

Banner was the first one to get it, and everyone stared in amazement as the curly-headed scientist burst out into laughter, his face turning red and tears forming in his eyes.

"Umm... did I miss something?" Tony wondered aloud.

Nat looked at Strange, and he looked at Loki. "Jotun." The doctor muttered, then smiled. "I get it."

Clint laughed as Nat whispered in his ear, and Peter's sensitive hearing caught onto her words, and he also started laughing.

Tony looked around, bewildered. "What is wrong with all of you?"

"Mr. Stark, a Jotun is a frost giant!" Peter giggled.

Tony rolled his eyes, but couldn't help the smile that slid onto his face. "Oh please. That isn't even that funny, Reindeer Games." He said, addressing Loki.

"It apparently is, considering that all of you are laughing. At something I said, to make it even stranger!" His grin didn't falter, but he did add under his breath: "and you're not trying to kill me anymore, either!"

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Ladies and gentlemen! Thanks for tuning in to read this, and thanks for all the kudos.  
> And thank you those who left the comments; those always make us smile.  
> We hope you enjoyed chapter three, and get ready for chapter 4.


	4. Overloads, Motels, and Makeup. What could EVER go wrong?

-8:34 pm-

"How about that one?" Steve suggested, pointing to the flashing neon sign that read "Motel 5".

"Please tell me you're kidding me." Tony said dryly, speeding past the sign. "That is a literal step down from Motel 6, so I'm assuming that there are confirmed murders in motel 5."

"Auuunt May..." Peter moans, and May worriedly placed a slim hand on her nephew's forehead, checking his temperature, and her brows furrowed even more.

"What the-"

"AH-hem!" Steve cleared his throat loudly, cutting May off.

"Peter, you have a fever!" May screeched.

"What?!" Tony yelled and turned completely around, abandoning the steering wheel.

Nat yelled in Russian before leaning over and grabbing the wheel, steering wildly out of the incoming traffic while switching through multiple languages with her descriptions of Tony's stupidity.

The billionaire paid the redhead no mind, his face lined with worry.

"Jarvis, scan the kid."

A blue light appeared from the ceiling of the vehicle and scanned the teenager.

"Mr Parker has a fever of approximately 104.6 degrees Fahrenheit. I would recommend immediate cooling procedures." The AI said calmly.

"Jarvis, locate the nearest Hilton."

"The nearest Hilton hotel is 34 minutes away." Jarvis replied.

"Okay, J. Punch it."

"WHAT?" May screeched.

"Well, we need to get him somewhere where we can treat him!" Tony yelled back.

"WATCH YOUR TONE!" May snapped.

Tony flinched away from the angry woman, as did everyone else in the vehicle.

"Miss Romanoff, turn around and go back to that motel." May ordered.

Natasha, the battle-hardened, espionage agent who always did exactly what she pleased, decided that she'd rather face four thousand Russian Cossacks than the anger of this surprisingly scary little woman.

"Nat, don't you dare!" Tony growled. "I am the one in charge here, and I will say where we go!"

May leveled her heated gaze on the billionaire, and Tony flinchingly stared back.

'This is one time I'm not going to back down.' He thought smugly.

-8:36 pm at Motel 5-

The clerk stared with fish eyes at Tony, who was drumming his fingers on the sticky reception desk with impatience.

"W-what?" The rodent-looking man stuttered as he gasped at the billionaire.

"I didn't stutter, unlike some." Tony rolled his eyes. "I said; 'I'll-take-all-the-roooooms!' " He enunciated slowly.

"R-right Mr Stark." The shaken employee gulped.

"Oh, and hurry it up, would you? I've got a sick kid here, who needs his rest."

The receptionist nodded quickly, stringy hair bouncing.

Steve pulled Tony back by the shoulder.

"All the rooms? Isn't that a little... extravagant?"

Tony scoffed in derision. "Extravagant is my middle name, Capsicle."

Loki rolled his eyes as he listened to the men talk. "Really? I thought it was 'weakling', or 'inferior'. Surely those would fit you better."

"Says the guy who was abandoned as a baby, and kicked off his adopted planet."

"Anthony Edward Stark! You apologize right now!" May said, glaring up at the man, fists on her hips.

"But he started it!" Tony whined, pointing at Loki.

The god of mischief smirked. "Do as the lady says, mortal."

"You too Loki!" May turned her glare on the frost giant. "Both of you are acting like infants!"

"While, ironically, the only person able to be classified as an infant has a 104.6 fever and won't stop blabbing about how his senses are overloading." Dr strange said dryly from his crouching position next to Peter.

"He needs to be cooled down ASAP." Bruce said, placing a cool rag on the teen's sweaty face.

Nat frowned, and looked up at Clint. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" She asked the archer.

He nodded. "Yo, Loki! Care to help us for a sec?"

Loki looked from Clint to Natasha. He caught onto their train of thought and rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms as he walked quietly over to them.

"Does your child require my assistance?"

"Um, he's not my kid." Clint said with a chuckle.

Loki frowned and looked from Nat to Peter.

"But she is the mother spider, and he is her child. Is the Doctor the father then?"

Both Dr Strange and Dr Banner both sputtered and started laughing until the red-haired assassin silenced them with a glare. They both grew pink in the face, and were suddenly VERY interested in their patient.

"He's not my kid." Natasha said nonchalantly. "But he needs to cool down, or he could get even worse."

Loki nodded, and walked toward the teen, surprising everyone by wrapping the surprised boy in a large hug.

"Erm, did I miss like, some major bonding between my least favorite villain and prodigy?" Tony asked, looking at the awkward embrace.

"He's cooling the kid down, Tony." Steve muttered.

"Oh. Well, in that case-"

"Mr Stark?" The shaken employee squeaked.

Tony whirled around. "WHAT?"

"Um, we only have two rooms available."

Tony opened his mouth to protest that they should open more for the one and only Tony Stark, when Natasha cut him off.

"Perfect. Girls get one room, guys get the other." She leveled her gaze on Tony and Steve, as if daring them to object. "RIGHT?"

They all turned to Loki; the Jotun had closed his eyes in concentration. When they opened, everyone was met with crimson red eyes. His skin had begun to pale even more until he was blue, and then dark blue. The Avengers had known he was a frost giant, but none of the group had actually seen him as one.

Peter shuddered as the cold enveloped him, and began shivering so hard his teeth chattered.

"This is good. Just stay like that for a minute." Bruce sighed.

Loki tried to pretend he was anywhere but hugging the teenager with spider powers.

-Motel 5-8:40 P.M.-

"'We'll take it' she says..." Tony growled under his breath.

"Quit whining ,Stark." Loki spat from his reclined position on the arm chair.

"There's six of us, and Peter can't sleep on the floor." Tony's gaze fell on the youngest member of the group, who was laying on the bed, looking rather pale and sluggish.

"Tony, it is what it is. I was in way worse situations during the war: bunkers, fox holes, tents… The point is you have a lot to be grateful for." Steve snapped at the hotheaded billionaire .

Strange rubbed his temples, and Clint was sorting through the extra blankets and pillows that had been brought to them.

Bruce had left the room after the fight had erupted, concerned that he would turn an unwanted shade of green.

"M'sorry." Peter muttered from the bed. Tony pinched the bridge of nose, more out of guilt than anything.

"Not you're fault underoos. Just get some rest." Tony shrugged.

Rising from his seat, Loki straitened his jacket and stalked towards the door.

"Where are _you_ going?" Strange called after him.

"For some air, as you mortals would say." Loki called over his shoulder as he pulled the hotel door open.

Strange took a step in his direction, but Rogers grabbed his arm, shaking his head.

"Let him go. In the off chance he does run, I'll be able to track him." The super soldier assured.

That statement peaked Strange's curiosity, but Rogers didn't offer more of an explanation.

The warm air lapped at Loki's gold engraved jacket as he stood on the porch that connected all the rooms.

Leaning on the railing, Loki took in the surroundings. This Motel was in the middle of nowhere, as forest encased the small building in all directions.

A creak signified another door opening.

Slight surprise overtook the god of mischief as May Parker leaned on the rail to his right.

"Thank you. Thank you for helping Peter." She smiled.

"You must think I'm a monster." Loki pointed out.

"Why would I think that?" May asked ,slight surprise seeping into her face.

"Most of my people probably would. The Frost Giants are either feared or hated on Asgard, and my real father, a Frost giant, abandoned me due to my small size when I was a baby." May's eyes widened as Loki shrugged.

"And you just accepted that? That- That's not right!"

"You saw just what I _can_ do; Lady May, have you already forgotten New York?"

"No, but that bothers me. I can't believe that someone, would attack and kill innocent people, and then without hesitation help someone they barely knew. There's more to what happened than we know, isn't there?"

"Th-That's none of your concern." Loki shuddered, before turning his back and walking away.

Unbeknownst to either of them, a third party had witnessed the exchange from the shadows.

Back in the room, Bruce had piled blankets in the bath tub and claimed it as his own. Tony was sleeping on the floor on one side of the bed, Strange was on the other, Loki had claimed the futon, Peter was still on the bed, Clint was on the top shelf of the closet (for some dumb reason nobody remembered) , and Steve slept on the arm chair.

The Tv had been turned on and everyone was doing something that didn't involve trying to verbally maim each other. Strange was reading a book on spells for novices; he had made a mental note to thank Wong for slipping it in his bag.

"How many times have you read that?" Loki asked from his spot on the futon.

"Six." Was the absent reply.

Humming Loki stared down at the Asgardian spell book he had been flipping through.

Strange's eyes were torn from the pages as the book was yanked off his lap. He shot Loki a glare as he trickster looked it over.

"What are you-?" He didn't get a chance to finish as the Asgardian spell book was roughly dropped on his lap.

"I've read that one ten times." The Trickster yawned.

Strange considered shooting back some sort of response, but then considered the value of reading a spell book from the libraries of Asgard. Sighing, he opened the first page, and used a spell to help him understand the foreign language.

"Thanks." He muttered under his breath, hoping Loki hadn't heard it.

The slight grin across Loki's face suggested that indeed he had.

Clint sat hunched over a computer, a frown on his lips.

"Clint, What's up?" Asked Tony from his nest of blankets as he tinkered with one of his gloves,

"Just a project..." The archer shrugged without looking up.

"What kind of project?" The inventor was met with silence. "Fine don't tell me; I didn't want to know anyway." Tony pouted.

"Alright time for supper!" Natasha shouted as she kicked the door open with her foot and walked in ,followed closely by a surprised May.

"Natasha! I have to pay for any doors you break!" Tony yelped.

She shrugged and dropped four brown paper bags down on the table.

Supper was eaten in silence before the group settled down for the night. In a couple hours everyone had dozed off, in rather funny positions. Loki had the spell book on his face, Strange was cuddling the cloak of Levitation (he would be annoyed about it and deny it later), tony was wearing his glove (which honestly looked more like scrap metal), Clint was curled up on the top shelf with a teddy bear (only Nat knew about that aspect), and the others were sleeping somewhat normally... well as normal as things can be with a guy sleeping in the tub and another over the edge of an arm chair, but oh well.

At some point in the night the door creaked open and closed again a few minutes later.

-Motel 6, Men's room- 6:27 A.M.-

"It's not coming off!" Everyone awoke to Steve Roger's angry exclamation from the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" Strange asked Stark who was hovering at the bathroom door.

The question was answered as Rogers exited the bathroom. His lips were cherry red, his eyes had been heavily highlighted by dark black eyeliner, he was sporting heavy blue eye shadow, and the mascara on his eyelashes only added to the awkwardness.

Loki burst into laughter and nearly toppled off the futon he was sitting on.

The captain glared daggers at him.

"Did you do this?" He all but shouted, mentally counting to keep from quite possibly blowing up as he stalked towards the trickster.

"No!" Loki shook his head as he fell backwards to escape Rogers. "I had nothing to do with this!"

Of course Rogers didn't buy it. This was Loki after all, a being with such a reputation that he was even known in the mortal world for his tricks.

The door opened as Natasha and May walked in. Somehow Nat had found a way to access the room without a key.

No surprise.

They both stood stunned. Rogers was towering over Loki who literally had his back to the wall as everyone else stood back with either grins or grimaces on their faces (mostly grins). May poked Clint who had a rather wry smile on his face. He turned to face her, and she scowled. "How dare you let that poor man take the fall for our prank?" She whispered so only the people near could hear.

"Well I don't see _you_ doing anything. Besides this is Loki, no one will believe him." Clint pointed out.

"You tell him, or I will." May warned. Clint rubbed his face and sighed. Admittedly he had let the girls in late last night, and admittedly he was pretty good with makeup, but why not let Loki take the fall?

Right, Aunt May took responsibility for her actions.

"Please." Loki whimpered. "Do you honestly think I could apply whatever is on your face with such accuracy?" The question was rhetorical. Of course he couldn't; Loki was good at a lot of things, but Rogers debated the fact, that Loki's total one month on earth (mostly during and right after the attack on New York) would give him enough time to learn much less practice the intricacies of makeup application.

Rogers turned his back to Loki, and faced the small group.

"Who was it?" He snapped.

The Spectators had heard May's words to Clint; thus Peter, Banner, and Strange all stepped away from the actual guilty party.

Clint gulped and Loki let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, I'm never going to live this down. Now can I have some makeup remover , _please?_ " Rogers asked with his arms crossed.

"Nope!" Natasha shouted, snapping a picture on her phone and darting out of the room with May and Clint in tow.

Rogers scowled, walked into the bathroom, and then slammed and locked the door.

Loki knew today would be a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahahahaha, the first prank.... and definitely more to come!  
> Thanks to all of you who pressed that kudos button, and Thanks to all who dropped a comment, it always makes us smile to hear your thoughts. 
> 
>  
> 
> We'll see ya all next time, Adios!


	5. Salted Slugs

The day wasn't nearly as bad as Loki had predicted. It would have been, however, if he wouldn't have been in the comfortable new clothes that May had given him. At first he thought it a juvenile notion that simple mortal clothes could make a day better, but it actually did. 

At first the trickster had protested against the earth clothes so much that All the Avengers had grown tired of the constant quarreling, that Bruce had threatened to let the Hulk out if Loki didn't comply with the change in wardrobe choices. The simple green tee-shirt, jeans, and black hoodie were surprisingly comfortable, especially paired with the sneakers, although Loki would never admit it. May had chosen dark colors, and had complimented Loki on his 'new' appearance until he was uncomfortable with the attention, and suddenly happy that he didn't have to be the king over the fashion-obsessed 21st century Earth. The man-bun May suggested to do was too much for the poor Jotun, and he had fled in terror before she could touch his hair.

Everyone was wearing casual clothes, and the only sign of any superheroie-ness was the levitating backpack that followed Dr Strange around.

 

Steve stayed In the back of the vehicle, with dark eyeliner and blush still heavily coated on his face, and his cherry red lips turned down in an eternal frown. Loki rolled his eyes at the drama. You could almost FEEL the righteous indignation rolling off the supersoldier.

Peter was completely better. Apparently his spidey senses had overloaded, and short-circuited his brain for a few hours, giving him a fever. After a full night's sleep, the energetic teen was- to most of the Avengers' annoyance- 100% back to his usual self.

Thus the van was silent for a while, with Steve sulked In the corner, while Peter played a video game on his phone with headphones in to avoid another overload. Bruce appeared to be sleeping with a notebook clutched to his chest like a teddy bear, Clint was tinkering with an electric arrow, and Tony was engrossed with the hologram of a new supercomputer processor that he was currently trying to hack.

  Dr Strange and Loki had even stopped harassing each other for the time being. I kid you not; they didn't snap at each other for a whole five minutes.

Then; the silence was broken.

"You know I could just open a portal with my sling ring and we could be a our destination within two seconds, right?" Steven muttered from his position next to Loki.

"But that defies the point of the bonding experience." May objected, frowning at him over her glasses in the rear view mirror. At the start of the day, Both of the women had decided to sit up front, and, as they put it: "leave the children in the back."

Strange groaned impatiently and stared at the ceiling of the van. "Bonding? Whyyyyyy?"

"Wasn't my idea, Dr Abnormal."

Tony sniffed, pulling his hood up. Apparently the genius had already finished his hack, and was just waiting for Jarvis to set all the language settings on the Russian supercomputer to the Wakandan dialect.  Since he couldn't just use google translate for the remote language, Jarvis had to hack the advanced Wakandan computers for the language while simultaneously downloading it onto the Russian computer, essentially switching the languages of both to the other's. The chaos that would undoubtedly follow would've made the god of mischief proud. One might even say that Tony Stark lived for the sole purpose of being a nuisance.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I thought this 'road trip' was your idea, Man of Iron."

Tony facepalmed then grabbed at the air like he could strangle it. "Dude. It's IRON-MAN." He enunciated. "Please tell me you're slightly more intelligent than your blonde brother and can get that itty-bitty, apparently super-difficult name straight."

"Of course I possess a higher intelligence than that of my br-" Loki coughed, catching himself before he said 'brother'. May frowned at him in the rearview mirror, which the Jotun decided to pointedly ignore until the small woman stopped. "I mean, Thor can't do magic, can he?" Loki sniffed.

"No, but he can pick up Mjolnir." Clint said lazily.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Right."

"Although he couldn't the first time I saw him." The archer muttered to himself.

"Yup, great bonding time. I'm really FEELIN THE LOVE!" Strange said sarcastically, and silently put on his sling ring.

Loki saw the movement, and gave him a warning look as if to say; "I wouldn't"

Strange ignored him, and suddenly raised his hands, creating a sparking portal right in front of the moving car.

May squealed in shock, and turned to glare at the sorcerer.

"Steven. No." May snapped, and Nat drove wildly around the portal. The jerky motions of the car bar everyone sliding around, and Clint just calmly ducked under Strange's backpack that came flying toward his head, impacting the window where his head had just been with a resounding 'thud'. 

Strange harrumphed and crossed his arms, but didn't take off his sling ring.

"Peter." May called, but he didn't hear his aunt over the headphones.

"PETER PARKER!"

The teen jumped so high that he hit his head on the top of the car. "Y-yes Aunt May?" Peter yelped as he pulled the headphones out of his ears, his brown eyes wide.

"Give me Dr Strange's sling ring, please."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at the boy, as if in a challenge.

Peter gulped and stared with big eyes at the sorcerer.

"But-" he squeaked, and was quickly silenced with a glare.

"Now."

Dr Strange smirked. "Yeah. Try it, kid." He held out his hand towards the boy, taunting.

"For the love of-" Bruce shocked everyone by reaching out and snatching the ring away from a very  surprised Dr Strange.

He glared at all the people in the van. "I'm trying to sleep, so stop fighting." He grumbled grouchily, and Tony draped an arm around the scientist's shoulders. 

"But that isnt fun, Brucie. Nothing right now is fun. Even hacking King Kitten's computers in Wakanda wasn't very fun." 

Steve raised a blonde eyebrow at that statement, and Tony shrugged. "He should choose a better password than 'BLACKPANTHERWARRIOR#1'. Like: really?" Tony rubbed his face, and smiled mischievously at his fellow scientist. "C'mon. Just let the Hulk out and we'll have a truly entertaining time."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "No. If I had a wish to maim someone or be maimed myself, I would just tell Nat that she's a terrible driver, which she is."

The van went silent, everyone aghast at Bruce's apparent madness. 

Clint was the only one who took cover, preparing for the impending attack. 

It never came.

"Oh really?" Nat actually sounded slightly amused, and everyone relaxed. "And here I thought I was a fantastic driver. But maybe anything faster than a snail is considered bad driving to your moody highness?"

May laughed loudly, and Clint slowly sat up straight again.

Hawkeye grabbed Bruce's face and turned him to look at him, releasing him after a second. "Wow, Bruce. I thought Mr Bluey over here had taken control of your mind. Because that was about the dumbest thing you could've said."

Bruce swatted the archer's hands away, and grumbled something incoherent about being 'surrounded by immaturity'.

"Tony, get off your high horse and act like an adult for once!" Strange snapped.

"Many people have told me to do that, but it never works."

"Ill keep asking until it does."

Bruce groaned loudly and pointedly stuck a large pair of headphones over his ears, blocking out the sounds of the men quarreling.

"You know, according to Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Tony said factually. 

"I hate you." Strange hissed.

"Aww, I love you too!"

Loki joined the barrage of insults. "You mortals are-"

"Pathetic?" Tony guessed. "You overuse that word, bro. Iron Man always has a new insult ready."

"And you overuse the fact that you're iron man."

"Street magician." Tony fired back at Strange.

"Yeah, keep talking Tin Can."

"Cripple."

"Muggle."

"You are kidding me."

"You wish."

"Children." Loki groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation. 

"Idiots." Stark snapped.

"Salted Slugs."

.....

Everyone turned to look at Clint. "What? I read it somewhere and thought that insult deserved to be used."

"You-"

"I KNOW!" May squealed in delight, clapping her hands. "How about we play the alphabet game?"

Loki groaned and put his head in his hands. "Just kill me now."

"Gladly." Tony whispered back, smiling charmingly at May.

"Child."

"You already used that one." Clint chuckled derisively.

"Shut up, Barton." 

Loki and Tony hissed in unison.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, sorry for the delay, you all. My life has been busy over the last couple days, but here's the next chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and the comments!


	6. The Truth In Mythology

Soft snoring emanated from the back seat. Loki had somehow managed to doze off despite being surrounded by his former enemies and forced teammates. He wasn’t sure when he become so exhausted, perhaps it had been cooling down Parker, or maybe he was just a little stressed from being bullied into this by his bro- no Thor. Why was it so hard to remember, that Thor wasn’t his brother?

He had dozed off at some point ,and Clint had decided to be mean (of course). 

“Hey check this out!” Clint whisper yelled from the back seat.

All eyes (minus May who was driving and Peter who was sleeping as well) turned to look at the archer. He was holding a brown plastic bag filled with air over Loki’s head and had a hand ready to smack it.

He didn’t give anyone a chance to object to his rather stupid stunt, and it burst open with a loud pop.

Well needless to say, chaos ensued. 

May lurched in shock causing the car to swerve, and Peter jumped ,hitting his head on the ceiling and leaving a large dent behind. 

Loki had paled to an unnatural color, shouting “Thanos!” as he woke up, shot forward, and instinctively gripped Clint’s neck.

Clint coughed and sputtered as he tried to get through to the obviously terrified Jotun.

“Let him go ,Loki!” Steve shouted, grabbing Loki’s arm. The super-soldier had tried to look authoritative , but due to the makeup plastered on his face, the image was totally ruined.

Loki’s eyes focused, and he realized that he was clutching Clint, not Tha- Him.” 

He let go and rubbed his eyes; color working it’s way back into his face.

Clint coughed and gasped as air entered his lungs; it took him a minute to recover but once he did, there was only one question on his mind.

“W-who’s Than-nos?” He gasped, rubbing a hand over his sore neck.

“That is none of your business ,Mortal.” Loki growled angrily. The car settled back into an uneasy silence, and no one said anything for a few minutes.

“Can we never do that again?” Peter hoarsely asked rubbing his head.

“Sorry, that was meant for reindeer games!” Clint protested, receiving a smirk from Strange.

Loki scowled and looked out the window. 

So much for relaxing. 

“Aunt May! I need to use the bathroom!” Peter shouted.

May shook her head with a smile, and spotted the sign for a mall.

-

Nat growled in frustration as the van sputtered and died. 

“I honestly don’t know what’s wrong! It was working fine a few minutes ago!” Tony shouted, his voice muffled from under the hood.

Loki stood massaging the bridge of his nose. Could nothing go right? They had arrived at the mall ,and upon returning from the restrooms, Nat had decided to drive. Everyone got in, but the van now refused to start.

“Well, Ms. Parker was the last to touch it. Maybe she should fix it!” Clint snorted. “Ow!” Suddenly yelping as Natasha smacked him upside the back of the head.

Loki took the liberty to glare at Clint; he was still mad about the bag incident from earlier, and May was one of the few people who actually tried to be nice to him.

“Well,” Tony sighed. “We’re going to be here for a bit; why don’t you all go look around the mall and meet back up here in an hour?” There were nods of agreements, and people started picking partners.

Abruptly turning on his heel, Loki didn’t care if he was followed, he just wanted some space from his team.

Short quick steps emanated from behind him, and before he had time to fully process it, Peter Parker was at his side.

“Um- mind if I join you?” Peter asked nervously. He had only heard of this guy up until yesterday, and getting on Loki’s bad list was an obvious no-no. 

Loki shrugged, so Peter stayed.

They walked in silence past windows displaying various wares. Finally Peter had to ask a question that had been bothering for a while now. 

“I um, have a question. It’s kinda weird, but I’ve been wondering for a while.” Peter asked in one breath.

“Very well, if you insist.” Loki didn’t make eye contact, but nodded. 

“So last year in school, I had to write a paper on you and Thor. Well, the Norse mythology stories of you at least.” Loki raised an amused eyebrow, but said nothing. “Anyway, I read a couple, but one that caught my attention was one about a giant stealing Thor’s hammer, and in order to get it back, Freya had to marry the giant who took it. She wouldn’t, so Thor dressed up as the bride and you as the...bridesmaid.” Peter squeaked. Loki was staring at him Flabbergasted.

After a minute, Loki schooled his features and was waiting for Peter to continue. 

“Anyway, before the wedding... the hammer was given to Thor acting as Freya, and Thor took everyone out...” 

Loki literally couldn’t keep himself from bursting into laughter.

“H-how many of those legends have you read?” He managed to choke out despite his roaring laughter. “That never happened! Though I’d give almost anything to have witnessed it.” Loki chuckled. 

“Yeah, well, I was curious.” Peter shrugged.

“I’m curious about reading more of these fables.” Loki snorted.

Peter stopped and grabbed Loki’s arm. Surprised by the kid’s strength, Loki didn’t put up much of a fight as the kid dragged him towards a small bookshop they had just passed.

Loki hung back as Peter was talked to the clerk, a smile across his face. Nodding, the clerk took a book off the shelf, and bagged it up for the teenager.

As Loki approached the counter, the Clerk eyed him for a minute. He was a little older than Peter with slick blond hair and stubby facial hair.

“Have I seen you somewhere before?” The guy asked Loki.

“No, I don’t believe you have.” Loki quickly shook his head.

“Yeah, yeah I have! Where have I -” 

Yanking the clerk by the collar until he was an inch from the Loki’s face, the trickster spoke in a frosty low voice. “I can assure you, that you haven’t seen me before. And if you have… You will say nothing of it.” 

The clerk nodded wide eyed and then shrank into a puddle (or tried to). Peter had been oblivious to the entire situation and was looking through the book he just bought.

Surprise registered across Loki’s face, as the book was thrust into his hands. Norse Mythology for Dummies  it read. 

“For Dummies?” Loki asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Um… Sorry?”  Peter tried wincing.

Maybe when it comes to ancient Norse mythology, I am a dummy… What in the nine realms am I Thinking?  Loki shook his head to clear the thought.

They walked through the mall chatting a little more openly than before, about a broad range of topics: science, magic, myths, and more. Loki discovered Peter had a good handle on science, much like Stark  or Banner.

Finally it was time to return to the car.

 

Tony wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned back in satisfaction. The van was purring like a kitten, and it was getting hotter by the minute. They needed to get out of here.

“You look ridiculous  ,Stark.” Loki stated from right behind the billionaire. Tony jumped a mile, smacking his head against the hood of the van.

“Ow, Loki!” Tony snapped. 

Loki was sipping a smoothie, for that matter, so was Peter.

Peter let out a yelp and nearly dropped his smoothie as he clutched his head. “Brain Freeze!” He shouted.

“There are many advantages to being a frost giant, and one of them? Immunity to brain freeze.” Loki smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well, all of you guys are awesome! Thanks for all the kudos. I hope you all are enjoying the story, and I plan on having the next chapters up soon.


	7. Insults and Muggles

"Mine!"

 

"No! It's MINE!"

 

"I had it first!"

 

"Wrong again! IT WAS MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

 

"You can't even understand how it works!"

 

"Says who?"

 

"Says me!"

 

"Don't make me pull over!"

 

"I thought you already had, Grampa! You know that you can drive FASTER THAN A SNAIL!!!"

 

"I'm being safe."

 

"Safe shmafe. Punch it, old man!"

 

"I'll punch YOU if you don't shut up soon!"

 

"You wish you could."

 

"I punched Red Skull. And he was actually enhanced."

 

"He was also a failed experiment."

 

"So what am I, then?"

 

"The same."

 

"Your father thought differently."

 

"I don't care."

 

Steve glared in the rearview mirror at the man-child known as Tony Stark. They had been fighting for the last half-hour over who was the better driver, who was better with weapons, and basically everything else that came to mind.

 

The rest of the occupants in the van were trying their best to avoid the fight. Well, all except one.

 

Bruce had in large headphones, and he had the volume turned up so loud that you could hear the opera music throughout the van.

 

Loki and Strange were actually having a rather civil conversation about the use of magic while traveling through a wormhole between worlds. Of course, no one else in the van knew this, because they were on the roof of the van in their astral forms, conversing without having to hear the bickering below.

 

Peter was wearing his Spider-Man mask with his laptop out, and was typing away at the lines of green code that fell down the screen while listening to 80's music that Karen was playing to block out other sounds.

 

May had large orange foam earplugs in her ears, and was shopping online with the credit card Natasha had given her. (Actually, it was the same credit card that Nat had pick-pocketed from Tony earlier. But she hadn't told May that.)

 

Barton had his head pressed against the window, and was snoozing silently, having taken out his hearing aids.

 

Natasha was the only one listening to the fight, while sitting in the front seat next to Steve, and she was assisting him every once in a while in his fight against Tony. She gave suggestions for name-calling, and once or twice she had made the billionaire yelp with a well-aimed kick at his face.

 

Tony glared back at the makeup-free Captain, crossing his hands over his chest like a toddler. 

 

"You're an infant." Steve snorted derisively.

 

"Popsicle."

 

"Flirt."

 

"Senior citizen."

 

"Jerk."

 

"Iced Americano."

 

"Tin Can."

 

"Midget?" Nat suggested mildly, and Steve nodded, quickly firing the insult to Tony.

 

They continued on in this way, while on the roof of the car, Strange and Loki had moved onto the topic of interdimentional teleportation.

 

"I'm telling you. The sling ring is the fastest way to travel between dimensions." Stephen insisted.

 

Loki rolled his eyes. "And I'm saying that a more precise way is to use magic in its purest form, controlling it merely with thought."

 

"It's more dangerous."

 

"Not if you have enough control."

 

"How long did it take for you to gain enough control?"

 

"It wasn't long after I was taught magic."

 

Strange raised an eyebrow. "That's not an answer."

 

Loki smirked. "On the contrary. It IS an answer. Just not the one you wanted." 

 

Strange snorted a laugh, and Loki chuckled.

 

"By the answer you wanted is approximately 100 years. That's how long it took for me to master magic."

 

The earth magician looked sideways at the fallen Asgardian prince.

 

"Huh. You know, besides being a psychopathic alien bent on ruling the human race, you're not such a bad guy as I had thought."

 

Loki raised a black eyebrow. "I'm assuming that is a compliment."

 

Strange shrugged. "It's probably as close to a compliment that you'll get from me." He shifted to where his substanceless legs hung in the van, same as Loki.

"Who taught you magic?"

 

Loki stiffened. "That is none of your business, mortal." He growled softly.

 

Strange huffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeesh! I was just asking!"

 

They stayed silent for a while. 

 

"Frigga."

 

Loki muttered her name so quietly that Strange doubted that he had even spoken. 

 

"What?"

 

Loki looked out over the landscape that was rushing past and sighed, sticking his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. "My mother, Frigga taught me how to use magic. She could conjure any form she wished with just a flick of her thoughts, project herself placed she was nowhere near, and enter people's minds without them noticing."

 

Sensitivity was never Stephen's forte, but for some reason the master sorcerer knew that tact was required in this situation. 

 

"She sounds like an amazing woman." Strange offered not kindly, but not unkindly.

 

Loki nodded absentmindedly. "She was."

 

Stephen knew that he shouldn't pursue this topic anymore, so he switched to something more comfortable for both of them. 

 

"Well, is that how you were taught to fight? I mean, Thor uses more...." Stephen cleared his throat. "Brute force in his fighting habits."

 

Loki let out a low chuckle. "Yes, Frigga taught me that even if I couldn't best my opponent in strength, I could in cunning."

 

"That's deception." Stephen pointed out.

 

Loki shrugged. "All warfare is based on deception."

 

"D-did you just quote 'The Art Of War'???" Stephen sputtered. 

 

The god of mischief smirked. "Indeed.... many of the things in that book refer to how I fought Thor. Such as: _'if [your opponent] is superior in strength, evade him. If your opponent is of caloric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.'_ "

 

The master sorcerer looked at the trickster with what appeared to be slight admiration. "Huh. When did you ever read 'The Art Of War'?"

 

Loki shrugged. "I had many reading weeks in my cell on Asgard."

 

They were silent for a while, both thinking over what they had spoken of.

 

"Well! I'm going back to my body and am going to join Tony and Steve's fight. Care to join?"

 

The Jotun smirked. "Absolutely." He paused, his tone returning to the regular cold one he used. "Were still not friends, mortal." He said warningly.

 

Stephen scrunched his nose, like the very idea of a friendship smelled bad. "Definitely not. We're just magicians who we're tired of being around the muggles." He winked, knowing Loki wouldn't get the reference. "Now let's go!"

 

They fell through the roof, and entered back into their bodies just as it was Tony's turn to insult Steve. 

 

"-and don't forget that my dad made you what you are!"

 

Steve rolled his eyes. "No, Dr. Erskine made me what I am. Learn your history, playboy."

 

"Oh, I know my history VERY well, thank you!"

 

"Your welcome, although I have no idea what you're thanking anyone for!" Strange said, clapping his hands. "What did we miss?" 

 

Nat looked over her shoulder at him. "WE?"

 

Loki shifted to get more comfortable. "Yes, Dr Strange and I had some discussions about magic while waiting for these two children to sort out their petty differences." He yawned as if it should have been obvious.

 

"Uh, where? You two have been sleeping!" Tony objected.

 

"To the untrained, unevolved eye, yes, it would appear that we were 'sleeping' while our spirit forms exited our bodies so we could avoid the noise of two idiots fighting over insignificant tidbits of their pathetic lives." Loki said pointedly. 

 

Strange smirked. "Couldn't have put it better myself."

 

Nat rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

 

"Tony, you have terrible taste in vehicles." Steve growled, glaring at the dashboard in front of him.

 

Tony scoffed. "No I don't! Have you SEEN my garage?"

 

"The Captain has a point, Stark. This thing you call a 'van' has stopped producing explosions in its  center." Loki informed the genius as the van slowed. 

 

"Whaaat?" Tony whined, unclipping his seatbelt and scrambling over Steve to look at the dashboard readouts as well.

 

Steve cleared his throat annoyedly as he rolled his shoulder, pushing Tony back.

 

Tony was happy for the distraction though. Without being able to use his extensive list of profanities, he had gotten bored with the yelling match. "Jarvis, have another van bought at once." 

 

"Yes sir. Any specifications?" The AI asked from the ceiling. 

 

The small billionaire looked with venom at Strange, Loki and Steve. "Yeah. Make it a greyhound. A special Stark Greyhound. And make it fast."

 

"Yes sir."

 

\------2 hours later------

 

The greyhound had arrived mere minutes after Tony asked for it, and soon seating arrangements were doled out in groups of three rows each.

 

Clint and Nat got the very back rows, May sat right in front of them, Peter sat right in front of her, and Loki shared his rows with the small teen since May saw the opportunity of friendship between the two. Bruce and Tony occupied the next row, and the Ste(ph/v)ens  took the front rows.

No one drove at the moment, because apparently the 'Stark Greyhounds' came with self-driving programming. And currently Jarvis was driving.

 

"Aaah! Why didn't I think of this before?" Tony sighed loudly, falling dramatically onto Bruce. 

 

Bruce yelped at the contact, and carefully peeled the billionaire off of him. "Yes, Tony. It's a good idea. Now unless you want to be seeing a lot of green really soon, I'd suggest you stop pestering me."

 

Tony grinned devilishly, and jumped on the curly-haired scientist, wrapping him in a bear hug. "But I looooove you, Brucie!" He squealed in a high girly voice.

 

Bruce swallowed his smile, and looked helplessly at the other Avengers. 

Loki wasn't smiling, (big surprise), although his deep green eyes twinkled with humor. Steve bit back his own smile for Bruce's sake, but the others all laughed at Tony's childish antics. Despite his obvious narcissistic attitude, people always seemed to like Tony.

 

"Fine. If you don't get off me, I won't tell you Steve's recipe for chocolate cake, and Pepper won't get her birthday wish." Bruce bantered. ;)

 

Tony snarled and reluctantly relinquished his hold on the smug scientist.

 

"Fine. But since we have entered this charming state," he motioned with a hand out the window, where a large green sign read 'WELCOME TO TENNESSEE'. "I need to visit a friend."

 

Strange groaned and Steve patted his shoulder sympathetically. 

 

\---------1:38 hours later--------

 

"Tony, is this really necessary?" Clint whined as the greyhound wound down the streets of the small town.

 

Nat smacked the back of the archer's head, and he rubbed it with a scowl at the Russian. 

"Clint, Tony seems a little emotional right now. I think that this 'friend' is really important to him." May elaborated to him, who still was glaring at the unaffected Natasha.

 

"And why should I care?" Barton hissed.

 

"Because Pepper says Tony has been depressed since the whole 'Siberia' incident, and she said that anyone who objects to something that will emotionally help Tony, such as visiting a friend, will have to answer directly to her." Natasha said, and Barton paled at the last part. 

 

So you know how everyone has this unspoken, unfounded fearful respect for May? Well, they have a very spoken, very founded respect and fear for Pepper Potts. As William Congreve once said: "Hell hath no fury like an angry Pepper Potts." (I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the point.)

 

Anyway, that shut Clint up for the time being, and even he joined the other curious Avengers as they unboarded the bus in the front of a rather small house.

 

"Tony?" Steve asked quietly, looking at the house. 

 

"Yes, dear?" The genius replied loudly.

 

Steve crossed his patriotic arms while adjusting his patriotic stance and shooting Tony a patriotic glare. "Does your 'friend' know we're coming?"

 

Tony stayed quiet, and the whole team (minus Peter), groaned collectively.

 

"Well, he likes surprises!" Tony defended.

 

Bruce sat on the curb with his face in his hands. "Tony. This is gonna be quite the 'surprise'." He said, voice muffled through his hands.

 

"Nah, all the Avengers showing up at your doorstep? That won't be surprising AT ALL!" Stephen said sarcastically.

 

"Does he even live here any more?" Nat demanded. 

 

Tony nodded vigorously, glad to finally have a good answer for his team. "Yeah."

 

Clint raised an eyebrow. "How do you know? Have you talked in the past seven years?"

 

"No, but I've kept track of his life. Wait, how did you know that it has been seven years-"

 

"You've been stalking the poor guy?" Steve interrupted. He let out a humorless laugh. "Great. Real nice, Tony."

 

"See?" The genius motioned exaggeratedly at Steve. "THIS is why I don't talk to you guys seriously! You just don't understand!"

 

"I do, Mr Stark!" Peter offered, then blushed deeply when everyone turned to look at him.

 

"As interesting as this conversation has been," Loki started in a bored tone, leaning against the Greyhound parked in the middle of the street. "I'm assuming that this child is whom you've been waiting for?"

 

Everyone turned to look where he was gesturing. The person they were staring at was gaping at them, blue eyes wide open as he stared at the heroes on his front lawn. His curly brown hair was messy, and he was dressed in casual clothing, large orange headphones over his ears. He looked to be about mid- to late-teens, and wore an MIT tee shirt. He held a shopping bag full of wire and other electrical items.

 

"Tony?" He said hoarsely. 

 

Tony beamed. "Kid! We decided to pop by since we are in Tennessee!"

 

The boy narrowed his eyes. "You don't remember my name. Do you?"

 

Tony rolled his eyes. "Harley, who do you think has been getting you those awesome Christmas presents all these years?"

 

Harley crossed his arms, the bag forgotten on the ground. "Miss Potts."

 

Clint stifled a laugh and started coughing as Nat patted his back.

 

Tony pouted. "That was ONE TIME!" He whined. "How did I know she'd get you a puppy?"

 

"Mr Stark, care to introduce us to your friend?" May hinted.

 

Harley looked around at the Avengers, and his face paled.

 

"Nah." Tony waved his hand absentmindedly and draped an arm around Harley's shoulders. 

 

"I'm Harley Keener." Harley said, jabbing Tony in the side with his elbow. "I helped this idiot with his Iron Man suit when he 'died' the Christmas after New York."

 

"Idiot?" Tony pouted.

 

Stephen rolled his eyes while May shot a glare at Tony.

 

"I'm Dr Strange."

 

"Clint Barton."

 

"Peter Parker."

 

"May Parker"

 

"Natasha Romanoff"

 

"Bruce Banner."

 

"Loki Laufeyson."

 

"Wait, WHAT?" Harley interrupted, staring at Loki. "Duuuude! You're Thor's brother?"

 

Loki quirked an eyebrow. "Indeed, mortal."

 

"And I'm Steve Rogers." Captain America said, giving Harley a funny look. "You're Tony's friend?"

 

Harley's face paled even more, and Loki saw something flash in the young man's eyes. "OH!" He said quite loudly. The team looked at each other to see if anyone knew why the kid was shouting. "THE AVENGERS! SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?" He continued loudly, and Loki noticed his eyes flick to the garage. The centuries-old man knew immediately that look. The mortal was being sneaky. "DO YOU WANNA GO GET LUNCH OR SOMETHING? I KNOW THIS GREAT PLACE WITH TUNA FISH SANDWICHES!!!"

 

"Harley, why are you shouting?" Tony asked annoyed, inadvertently blocking Harley's view of the garage.

 

Loki cast an illusion around his body, and walked away from the team and up to the garage. To an outside observer, he knew that it would seem as if he hadn't moved. 

 

He used a small spell to let him into the garage, where he looked around, letting the illusion fall from his body.

 

"So, mortal. What are you hiding from 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes'?" Loki wondered aloud.

 

He heard a clatter, and turned sharply, finding himself staring down the barrel of a rather deadly-looking gun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh! Sorry for the late chapter, I had some.... Complications. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!


	8. Assassins and play-WHATS?

Loki didn't move, just merely observed the cold eyes of the man behind the gun. 

On closer examination, the stranger's blue eyes also held fear, and was that dread? Maybe pain. 

He looked to be around Steve's age, and had dark brown hair that hung around his face and down to his chin. He was muscular for a mortal, and almost matched Loki height-wise.

 

The thing about the black-clad man that caught the Jotun's eye, was his metal arm.

 

"You know, bullets don't really damage my kind." Loki said in a bored tone.

 

The man shifted his weight, but kept the gun leveled at Loki's forehead.

 

Loki sighed. "I'm sort of with the Avengers now, so that means I can't kill without reason. If you shoot, I will have a reason, an mark my words that I won't hesitate to end you."

 

"The Avengers are here." The Man stated quietly, his gun hand never wavering.

 

Harley continued to shout outside, and Loki rolled his eyes. "Obviously." He eyed the stranger carefully. "It would seem that the mortal child is guarding you. Pray tell why?"

 

The man's eyes hardened. "He is too nice for his own good. He insisted on helping me." 

 

Loki then noticed the man's metal arm was abnormally still, with a few loose wires sticking out. 

 

"Your bionic appendage is damaged and needs repair. Those items the boy outside has in that odd bag are to help with the recovery of the use of your bionic arm. Correct?"

 

The man slowly nodded. 

"Well, then let me recommend instead Stark, who is quite good with all things mechanical. Just don't tell him that. I doubt his ego could grow much more, but I don't feel like taking the chance."

The man shifted uncomfortably. "No. He hates me."

Loki smirked. "Then lower your gun, mortal. He hates me too, and is forced to merely tolerate my presence."

The stranger lowered his gun hesitantly, and Loki crossed his arms. He could've easily taken out the man, but Loki wanted an ally on Earth, and a man who was avoiding the Avengers seemed like a good place to start.

"You're the guy who attacked New York."

Loki nodded. "Loki."

The man hesitated, then muttered softly; "Bucky."

Loki raised a black eyebrow. "You're Rogers' friend? The one that murdered Stark's parents."

Bucky pursed his lips. "I wasn't in control of my actions."

The assassin's voice was broken, and pain flashed across his face as he remembered.

Loki's sneer dropped off his face, and instead a genuine look of sympathy crossed his features before he composed himself. "My apologies. I know the feeling of not being in control. Now, unless you want your friend to find out you're here, hold still, and keep silent."

Loki had just started to make Bucky disappear when the door burst open, revealing a stunned team of Avengers.

There was a tiny flicker of green light, and then it vanished.

"WHAT THE-"

"Is that-"

"What's he doing in here?"

"Was that just-"

"LOKI!"

The questions stopped when May shouted at the Jotun.

He couldn't help but wince slightly at the harsh tone of the woman.

"Yes, Lady May?" He asked smoothly.

She blushed a little at his charming manner.

"What are you doing over here?" Her tone was softer.

Loki holds up the bag of wires and stuff that Harley had been holding only seconds before.

He gave the flabbergasted young man a pointed look, and smiled charmingly at the Avengers. "He wished for me to bring this in, right?" Loki directed that last part at Harley with a small nod, and the kid nodded slowly. His sharp mind quickly grasped the concept that the trickster was actually helping him,

"Y-yeah."

"When did you disappear?" Tony asked, looking around the garage suspiciously.

Loki saw Bucky tense, and a puzzled look crossed the soldier's face as everyone seemed to ignore his presence.

"While you were engaged with the child." Loki answered easily.

Tony still looked around suspiciously, knowing something was wrong but not knowing what.

Stephen felt something was off, but  he didn't feel up to fighting the Jotun on anything right then.

"Tony? I'm hungry." Harley said anxiously. 

Tony's attention was immediately captured. His face formed a slight pout, and he smiled at Harley. "I know..." 

Harley rolled his eyes. "Oh, please-"

"Because we're CONNECTED!"

Harley facepalmed. 

"Look, Lunch sounds… Awesome!" Harley stuttered. After a moment, the kid straightened and wiped his face of any panic. "I have to finish some work real quick; why don't you head to the van and I'll be right there. Oh, Loki do you mind sticking around? I could use a hand… and you've been _so much help_ so far." The Avengers gave Harley a weird look, but the kid returned their stare with a glare that made them all shrink.

"Fine. If the guy tries to take over your mind just call." Tony sighed, spinning on his heels and stalking out with the Avengers in tow.

They waited until the sound of the van doors echoed through the lawn.

"Alright where is he?" Harley asked with a hint of annoyance lacing through his voice.

Loki waved his hand flippantly and allowed Harley to see the ex-assassin. "My magic can prevent the others from seeing or hearing him." Loki shrugged at Bucky and Harley's confused glance.

Harley set about fixing the winter soldier's mangled metal arm, but he always kept one eye on the Trickster.

"So, we might have a problem." Harley sighed finally. "Our neighbor saw you last night, and threatened to call the cops if you weren't gone by today." He told the soldier. "Officially they couldn't hold you on much, but it'd still create a stir ,and we're still recovering from the last super hero mess."

"You could come with us." Loki suggested.

"No… Look... Kid, I killed Stark's parents." Bucky growled.

A loud clang caused everyone to jump. Harley had dropped his wrench and was staring at Bucky in pure horror.

"I wasn't in control. _They_ made me do it; turned me into some sort of freak, and made me a killing machine." Bucky admitted.

"I think Tony'll forgive and forget with time." Harley assured halfheartedly. "Now I think it's time for lunch. Can you keep him invisible?"

The Trickster nodded.

-Another Burger Joint-2:14 P.M.-

"You have got to be kidding me!" Natasha furiously hissed. The complete and utter annoyance radiated off her thin frame, as she seethed. "First that Stan's Burger Joint, and now McDonalds?"

"You know come to think of it that old man from the burger facility looked very similar to the barber from Sakaar." Loki mused to himself.

"Sack car?" Tony questioned.

"Sackaar , is an arena world where Thor got his fabulous haircut before being forced to fight the Hulk… The haircut didn't help him win though..."

"Hey he told me _he_ won!" Banner recalled thoughtfully.

"He was about to… but then you beat him to a pulp. Funny they call _me_ the god of lies."

"Alright ENOUGH! If we're going to endure this junk food torture, then let's get it over with." Natasha growled, as she nimbly hopped out of the vehicle.

Clint smiled as he followed Nat inside.

"Hey look! It has a play place!" Peter squeaked.

"Aren't you a little old for those?" questioned Tony with a raised eyebrow.

"Says the human, man kid." Bruce flatly chuckled.

"Oooookay point taken. Bye." Tony waved his hand at Peter.

"Hey, Harley, are you coming?" Peter turned to his fellow teenager.

"Yeah! Must you really ask?" Harley then leaned in and whispered into Peter's ear.

"Hey,Loki, have you ever been in a play place?" Peter asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"No, what is a play place?"

"It's a place where kids can explore and play and enjoy themselves." Peter smiled innocently.

"I think I'd rather watch Volstagg eat..." Loki mumbled as he brushed a bit of dust off his shirt.

The grins on the two teenager's faces were maniacal as they each grabbed an arm and began yanking Loki towards the play area of doom.

Loki looked imploringly at the Avengers, and in the far side of the restaurant, there was a metal-armed assassin only Loki could see who was smirking at the god of mischief.

Bucky made a "go ahead" motion with his hand.

"Dare you, ET." The assassin mouthed.

"No." Loki hissed.

Tony looked back at the empty corner... "um, who you talkin to, Reindeer Games?"

"Chiiicken!" Bucky sang, doing a weird chicken dance.

"Shut UP!" Loki growled, and let the boys drag him up the play set.

Between the spider powered teen and the teen with Stark level stubborness, Loki was air was stifling as they entered the room containing the large play area. A thump caught their attention, and they all looked up to see Clint grinning down at them from a plastic window near the top.

"Last one down the slide is a rotten egg!" Clint's muffled shout echoed through the plastic.

Peter and Harley grabbed Loki and urged him up the climbing steps. He tried to ignore the the sticky residue clinging to the worn down plastic.

"Odin's beard! How do they expect anyone to climb through these?" Loki hissed.

"Well these tubes are for toddlers and six year olds." Peter admitted.

"Six! I'm afraid to think what they do in here!" Loki was seriously worried now.

"Oh, you know spit, drool, track dirt, and..."

"Agh! No! Let me out!" The Trickster squawked.

"You want out? Race Petey here down the slide." Clint smirked pointing at Peter.

"Fine." If Loki weren't a dignified god, he might have been pouting, but he was a dignified god and was _certainly_ not pouting. He sat on the edge of the slide, grimacing at the thought of being forced down the stinky death tubes.

The countdown began , and they pushed off. About three seconds later an idea began forming in Loki's mind.

Allowing his fingers to turn slightly blue, the Trickster coated the inside of the slide in a thin sheet of ice. He knew the next person coming down was Clint.

Loki shot out seconds before Peter.

"Hey! That's no fair!" Peter protested.

"I won fair and square." Loki absentmindedly responded. He was fiddling with a Stark phone. "How do you activate the picture capturing option on this infernal device." He hissed.

"Oh ,here." Peter quickly tapped a few options.

"Hey, slowpokes, are you clear?" Clint asked.

"Yep. One!" Peter shouted.

"Two!" Loki continued.

"Three!" They shouted together.

There were shouts of laughter as the two racers sped down the slides… For about two seconds.

The laughter from Clint's tube turned to full on screaming.

"Ah! WHAT THE!"

"Language!" Loki shouted.

Clint shot out, skidded across the floor on his rear, and face planted into the wall.  
"Ow…" Clint spoke into the wall. When he finally got up, he turned angrily to Loki.

"You sabotaged my slide!" He hissed in unbridled fury.

"I have no regrets..."

"You aren't even trying to be nice."

"If I wanted to, I could squash you like a bug."

"You are genuinely evil!"

"You're ego needs to be brought down a few pegs." Loki shot back.

"You already took care of that when you took over my mind and made me attack my friends."

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT?"

"WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS ABOUT!"

"ENOUGH!" May roared, surprising them all.

They spun around ,and Clint and Loki were immediately grabbed by the ears and led yelping back into the cafeteria.

Loki had no problem with Aunt May forbidding him and Clint from going back into the play place.

-Stark's minivan—3:22 P.M.-

"Well… you mortals certainly are creative." Loki chuckled as he flipped through the book Peter had gotten him.

"Well of course! That would be one of our most defining traits… That and our intellect, as I would know." Tony dramatically swung his arms, nearly hitting Clint in the face.

"Watch it!" The archer grunted.

"What are you talking about anyway?" Peter asked.

"Well… I am most certainly not married."

"I see… So the story about the Dwarves isn't true either?" Clint asked curiously.

"Dwarves?" The Trickster asked in confusion.

"Yeah you know..." Peter made a zipping motion over his mouth.

Loki's eyes widened comically to the size of saucers , and a tinge of red flushed briefly across his face.

"H-how, but t-that… No! That never occurred, don't be absurd!" Loki stuttered, his left eye twitching.

"Uhuh, where's the god of lies when you need him?" Tony asked chuckling.

"Of course of all the stories… _This one_ made it to Midgard." Loki put his head in his hands.

"Which one?" May asked from the front. She had been quietly conversing with Natasha, and had only started paying attention moments before.

"Loki lost a bet to dwarf. He got his mouth sown shut… Which honestly sounds painful." Bruce explained.

"Oh, I assure you it isn't pleasant." Loki rubbed his face.

The car swerved slightly, and May's own eyes widened. "And you call us barbarians!" She exclaimed loudly.

"I never called you barbarians… you are merely uncivilized." Loki corrected her.

Natasha laughed. "They silenced and humiliated the Trickster then huh?" She asked.

"So…" Strange began eager to get off the . "We're on the topic of Asgard anyway. In that spell book you gave me, it talked about the aging rates of the inhabitants of different realms. Asgardians age more slowly than humans, that's why you live longer. So how old are you by Earth standards?"

Loki heaved a sigh. Today was more embarrassing then yesterday.

 _Mumble Mumble Ahem "_ 17 _" Ahem Cough._

"You're a teenager?" May shouted.

"Well Thor's only 18!" Loki crossed his arms defiantly.

"Yes, but I fought a world dominating teenager!" Bruce shouted. "I slammed a teenager into the floor!"

"Yes, but I'll have you know I've taken much worse." Loki assured. He wasn't on terrible terms with the Hulk anymore, but he really didn't want to encounter him again.

"Wow… um. Okay then Rudolf… Whatever you say." Tony shrugged. 

"What is a Rudolf? You keep referring to me as one."

"It looks like a Bilgesnipe."Bruce shrugged.

"I see… But THEY ARE HIDEOUS!" Loki gawked in horror. 

Snickering came from beside Loki, and he scowled at the Winter Soldier.

-Maisy's Inn—5:33 P.M.-

"Why me?" Strange whined.

"Because Fury thought you'd be more suited to handle Loki." Tony repeated Strange's exact words.

The magician rolled his eyes before turning to his room. Everyone had paired up. Clint and Tony were in one room (Clint could take his hearing aids out, and be completely oblivious to Tony's rammbling), Peter and Steve were in another room, May and Nat took the third, Bruce got a room all to himself (He had threatened to hulk out if he wasn't left in peace), and Strange and Loki were put into the same room (Bucky joined them secretly).

"Well, who gets the bed?" Strange asked.

Loki threw both hands into the air and plopped lazily onto the couch.

"Really? I thought the royal prince of Asgard would have put up a fuss about not getting the bed." Strange couldn't keep the confusion out of his voice.

"You seem to think I'm some pampered prince who hasn't stepped foot outside of palace walls. Thor dragged me on so many "camping trips" that wound up with us in enemy prisons, that I would forget what a bed felt like!" Loki chuckled.

Strange quirked an eyebrow.

"Sounds like Thor is quite the adventurer." Bucky spoke from the nearby wall.

"Shut up." Loki snapped.

"I didn't say anything..." Stephen announced, looking at him oddly.

"Oh forget it." Loki sighed.

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	9. Not exactly what we signed up for. Well, we didn't actually SIGN up for anything.....

**Hi guys I know I usually leave these at the end, but I wanted to explain that Asgardians do age more slowly than Midgardians. That being said, both Aria I believe that Loki and Thor are in their late teens or early twenties. We hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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It was past midnight, and the adventurers were once again in a crummy little hotel, per May's insistence. This time, however, there were enough rooms that only two people needed to be in one. Strange tossed and turned fitfully in his bed. He was getting flashes and glimpses of something, the best he could describe was torture; he could feel faint agony and fear at the back of his mind. The flashes steadied out into two menacing eyes, a large purple man grinning sadistically, as one word echoed through his brain.

_Thanos._

The image shattered and Strange bolted upright in a cold sweat. He couldn't control his breathing and when he reached up to turn the light on, his hands were shaking far more than usual. Rubbing his hands down his face, Strange let out a sigh.

Thanos?

Where had he heard that name before? The trickster had mentioned him, but Stephen was certain he had heard it before that. Speaking of Loki, Strange glanced over him. He was curled up in a ball clutching his head; he couldn't be sure, but magician thought he heard whimpering. It was the final straw, Strange needed to talk to Wong. It would have been so simple just to use his sling ring, but that scary little woman had taken it and refused to give it back until the road trip was over.

Well the phone was always an option.

" _Hello?"_

"Hey ,Wong it's me ,Strange."

" _You do realize it's two A.M., right?"_

"Um… Yeah. Look I need some info. You have that book about inter-dimensional threats right?"

" _Yes. I'm looking right at it, why?"_

"I need you to look up Thanos." Strange whispered, lowering his voice even more when Loki tossed in his sleep. The sound of shattering glass over the phone made Strange wince.

"That wasn't the good china was it?"

" _Where did you hear that name?"_ .

"Um the Trickster mentioned him and I just had a weird dream."

" _Thanos is a titan, a being of immense power. He's been hiding for several thousand years in the blackness of space. His ultimate goal is to rule all the realms, and he has a vested interest in earth. If he and Loki are working together…"_ Wong trailed off with horror lacing his voice.

"… I don't think they are. I'm getting the impression that Loki is terrified of him. He's magically projecting his horrifying dreams to me, and he nearly choked Barton to death after that idiotic archer woke him up with a paper bag. Guess who he thought Barton was? Yup, Thanos."

" _All right, Steven, keep me updated; I would recommend telling the captain, but otherwise keep it to between us."_

"Alright… was that the good china?"

" _Oh no Thor broke that China. I broke the irreplaceable ancient china."_

And with a click, Wong was gone.

Strange huffed a small laugh, then fell asleep again.

Bucky was leaning against the wall listening. As an assassin, he had been trained to awaken when anyone else did. He filed the information away.

" _I know the feeling of not being in control"_ Loki had told him just the day before. Could this be what he meant? Bucky groaned and rubbed his eyes. He knew that he had begun to-I wouldn't say like, but maybe not hate-the apparently vulnerable Jotun.

The morning came quickly and Strange left Loki sleeping and sought out Rogers. It irked him that he would have to tell someone, but he decided it would probably be for the best. That being said, he still needed someone who could keep their mouth shut, so he chose Steve. The captain bit his lip as Strange told him about the dream and what Wong said about Thanos "Should we tell Tony and the others?" Steve asked quietly. "No, not yet, not until we have more. He's just starting to settle in and feel a little more comfortable around us. I think it'd be wiser to let him just tell us than for us to confront him." Strange admitted. Rogers made it clear he didn't like keeping Tony in the dark, but agreed it was probably for the best. Who knows what mr Ego would do?

They had the Hotel's breakfast before piling back into the van to leave.

"Could you move your seat up?" Loki rolled his eyes and huffed a sigh.

"No. These seats are fixed in their respective positions. And shut up, would you?" Bucky muttered something under his breath, and Loki's advanced hearing picked up on it. The Jotun smirked down at his book, his eyes never leaving the pages as he spoke.

"Ooh, good thing no one can hear you. The Captain would've made you wash your mouth with cleanser."

"Wait, what?"

"Your patriotic friend has a thing for no one swearing. Last time Stark stubbed his toe, Rogers literally put some liquid cleanser, or what you call 'soap', in his mouth."

"Wow. That is a little harsh for-"

"Actually, the small woman named May did it while the mother spider held him." Bucky snorted a laugh.

"Okay, Sounds like Steve. Anyway, I'm bored."

"Do you wish for me to remove my illusion from you? That would assuredly lessen your boredom." Bucky paled, and he went back to the stoic assassin mode.

"No." Loki shrugged.

"As you wish. Although I shall soon tire of this charade." Bucky rolled his eyes, the cold attitude sliding off as quickly as it had come.

"Whatever." Stephen looked around for whoever Loki appeared to be talking to, but didn't see anyone.

"Seriously, Mr 'god of Mischief', do you hear voices in your head or something?" Loki rolled his eyes.

"Is it really that abnormal for me to be conversing with the most intelligent being I know? (Which is myself, of course.) I know a man who can see through any door to find anyone on any planet. I know people who can speak to the wind and discover exactly what it has touched. Thor can call upon lightning to strike where he chooses. You can speak to beings in different dimensions. I have overheard Stark and Banner muttering to themselves many times over the past few days. So I ask again; is it really that abnormal for me to talk to myself?" Stephen narrowed his eyes.

"No, it isn't." The Doctor wasn't about ready to admit that it is actually a sign of high intelligence to mutter to yourself. He had done so on many occasions, but no need to let Loki know that. Still, a tiny thread of doubt crossed his mind. He could feel something off, but he couldn't place it.

Loki buried his face in his book and concentrated on ignoring the ex-assassin that was complaining in the seat directly behind him.

"So, you're 17?" Peter asked excitedly from his position next to his aunt, who was dozing against the window. May had decided that Loki needed some 'breathing room', and so when he had asked rather politely whether or not he could have his row to himself for a while, she had consented. Little did she know that the purpose for his asking was on behalf of a certain Winter Soldier.

"I'm actually closer to 18 by Midgardian standards." Loki said absently. Clint chuckled from the back.

"No, you just want to be. Just admit it, bluey. You're 17. Still a juvie." Loki glared over his shoulder.

"No, I'm seventeen by _earth standards_ as I previously stated; however, I'm Asgardian. I'm literally more than a thousand years old. I am not a child."

Nat smirked along with Clint. "You SOUND like a teenager, though..." she said with a snort. Loki frowned, and shot a glare at the snickering Bucky. Apparently being invisible changes a person. Knowing that no one can see or hear you, gives you a lot of freedom. Bucky wasn't behaving like the 'winter soldier' anymore. He was behaving like Bucky Barnes, the little punk kid that grew up with Steve Rogers. Loki was beginning to wish he hadn't have even invited the amputee, as he was turning out to be a real pain.

"But I am over a thousand years old." Loki said with a forced air of calm. "Hardly a child." Clint leaned back on the bench, propping his feet up on Nat.

"Yeah, you tell yourself that, Juvie."

"I've fought in wars that destroyed worlds!"

"Still only 17!"

"I almost took over your planet!"

"We stopped you before you had gone even a mile, so 'almost took over' is a stretch. Face it, you're still 17, juvie."

"I have lead armies!"

"Seventeen, honey!"

"RULED ASGARD!"

"Still 17!" Clint sang out, closing his eyes. Loki facepalmed.

"Mortals and their stupid, puny little brains." He muttered.

"Yeah, speaking of puny brains! I was doing some research on our trip last night, and this add for something popped up." Tony started, as the bus abruptly turned to the right. "What do you think?" Everyone looked out the windows. They had mixed reactions as the bus pulled into the parking lot.

Peter's face paled. "What?" He squeaked. Natasha sniffed in disdain, and Clint laughed. "Terrifying." The sign read: "LEE'S HAUNTED HOUSE; ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Yeah, let's take the Hulk to a house of horrors. Reeeally smart, genius!" Tony rubbed his hands together gleefully while explaining to Steve what exactly he could expect in the house. Of course, everything the billionaire told the Captain was false. Peter gently shook May awake, and she quickly opted out of the haunted house adventure, claiming she needed a break from babysitting.

As they got out of the bus, Clint grabbed both Loki and Peter by their shoulders and pulled them close, to where his arms were draped over their shoulders. (A difficult thing on the archer's part concerning the frost giant's height, but still possible)

"Now listen well, children." Clint began in a tone like he was talking to puppies or something. Both of the boys rolled their eyes.

"If you get too scared, just make sure you don't jump on Nat. Because then there will be a reason to be scared. Oh! And in the very likely case that you are terrified, please feel free to scream. I'm planning on capturing it all on video!" Clint didn't even see the jabs coming from the annoyed beings under his arms until their fingers poked his sides, right under his ribs. He yelped, and the boys walked away in opposite directions, ignoring the glaring archer.

-10 minutes later-

"I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS! I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS!" Clint screeched as Nat cut him out of a large spiderweb. He dropped the remaining four feet to the creaky wooden floor, and landed with a squeal, still writhing in the sticky white webbing. The red-haired assassin rolled her eyes, and helped disentangle him from the synthesized webbing.

"Cool it, crybaby." Nat sniffed disdainfully, slipping some of the webbing into her pocket for Peter to examine later. Currently the spider teen was literally ON Steve's back, gripping him tight enough to make the supersoldier lose his breath

"You mortals call this horror? This is child's play compared to what I've seen." Loki spat.

They all looked at him with slightly spooked expressions.

The silence was broken by a loud crash which shook the house.

"WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT WAS THAT?" Peter kept repeating at a high scream. Tony was hiding behind Banner, who was attempting to disentangle the terrified genius's arms from his shoulders.

Okay, rewind about 1 minute.

Tony was surprised how dark and creepy this haunted house was. Truly, it was the best he'd been in. Everyone (aside from Loki and Nat), had agreed that they'd had enough, and that's when every light went out. Loki put up barriers around himself and Bucky as real spiders began to drop from the ceiling. That's when the net caught Clint, who screamed quite loudly, causing the whole group of very-mature adults to seek shelter behind the nearest person. Minus Loki who was shielding (much to his annoyance) Bucky Barnes.

"Tony, I think Peter is too s-scared to continue." Steve wheezed out, prying the terrified teen's arms from around his waist. Loki, who had excellent and advanced night vision naturally as a Jotun, looked at the smirking Bucky.

Bucky could see as well, because his HYDRA enhancements had also given him the ability to see in the dark. And right now, his eyes glinted with fun.

"You're the trickster of Asgard, right? Is is just me, or does this seem like the PERFECT time to play a few pranks?" Loki returned the evil smile, and cracked his knuckles.

"You have a marvelous point, soldier. I do actually have a few ideas about the subject. Maybe you'd care to assist?" Bucky raised a hand, and Loki looked blankly at it.

"It's a high-five. You slap my hand with yours." Loki raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Because it's- OH I DON'T KNOW! Just do it!"

Loki hesitantly high-fived the assassin. Bucky's smile grew.

"See? We're becoming friends already!" Loki immediately stiffened.

"I don't have friends." Bucky clapped his back

. "Sorry, but you're wrong bub. You do now!" Loki quickly wiped the puzzled look off his face, and the mischievous twinkle returned to his eyes.

"Ready to trick some Avengers?"

"You're on. Can you let them hear, but not see me?" Bucky asked.

Considering it for a moment, Loki finally nodded and waved his hand. Bucky placed his hands over his mouth.

"Ooooohhhhhh," All the adults jumped, and Peter was jumping into Natasha's arms. "I am the ghost of… Um... Sebastian Stan! And I am here to destroy you, Avengers!" Bucky growled the last part of that statement, and everyone took off running in pure terror; Tony was squawking about the fact that the ghost actually knew who they were.

As they ran Bucky shouted at them about the many ways he would destroy them, causing Loki to snicker silently.

-5 minutes later-

"THIS PLACE IS A MAZE!" Tony called out frantically. "I can't contact Jarvis, which means there is something jamming the signal. That's bad."

They had fled down the hallways, and into the basement. Loki had muted Bucky along the way. By the time they had stopped to catch their breath (and Nat had dropped Peter rather roughly on the floor.) They realized that they were in tunnel maze and had no clue how to get out.

"Eeeeh-uuuh!" The sound of someone gasping for breath was heard behind the group, and everyone turned around, grabbing the nearest heavy item, ready to hit the source of the noise. Bruce held up his arms in front of his face, and luckily everyone stopped moving before they hit him.

"WOULD YOU CHILDREN PLEASE CALM DOWN? I thought Sakaar was bad, but this place is REALLY designed to stress me out!" Clint patted his shoulder.

"Yeah, Tony." Natasha smacked the genius upside the head.

"Brilliant, simply brilliant idea!"

"How did I know this would happen?" He whined.

"Shut up and find us a way out." Steve snapped annoyedly.

"I could just use my sling ring, OH WAIT! Someone stole it!" Strange shouted at Bruce.

"Ugh. Children." Loki groaned.

"Yeah, keep talking Juvie." Clint snapped. Then the lights went out. Again. Once again Loki cast an illusion around Bucky and himself that let them see in the dark. That's when the trickster noticed that Bucky was rather pale.

"What is wrong?" Bucky took a shaky breath.

"Something's wrong." He looked around, and silently walked to the next corner of the hall, and peered around. He then ran up the stairs, and then abruptly hurried back down. "Uh-oh." He muttered, and turned back to Loki, his 'deadly assassin' face back on.

"Hydra's here." Loki frowned and used his magic to peer through the walls, where a wall of personnel in black body armor, armed to the teeth, were advancing noiselessly.

"Hydra?" Bucky took deep breaths, and looked like his head hurt.

"The people who captured me and made me the Winter Soldier." He explained with a pained expression. Loki frowned, and looked at the Avengers who were still arguing amongst themselves, oblivious to the danger rapidly approaching. "What do we do? They hate me, so they probably won't believe me." He heard one of the Hydra agents cock their gun.

"Oh well, I have to try." Loki said hurriedly, before removing the illusion from around himself. "Avengers." He called, but they just began to argue louder, pointedly ignoring him.

"You're in danger!" He snarled, pushing into the center of their squabble. They quickly pushed him back out.

"Beat it Loki." Stark snapped.

"We don't need any of your tricks today. Go away." Loki glared, and pushed back into the fray.

"Hydra is here!" He yelled. That shut them up. They looked confusedly around in the dark, blind as bats.

"Wait, how did you know..." Steve trailed off as Loki saw the first agent round the corner and aim and shoot at the very Captain who was speaking.

"Duck." Loki snapped with such force that everyone hit the floor. Well, except for Nat and Clint, who had pulled out handguns from who-knows-where, and were crouched in a defensive position behind some random dresser drawers in the hall. Loki conjured a glowing green shield that illuminated the mob of agents as they began firing. The bullets bounced harmlessly off the shield, but Loki grit his teeth under the strain.

"Go!" He snapped, and the Avengers didn't have to be told twice. Normally they would've stayed and fought, but they were weaponless and disoriented. That, and they needed to find a place to mount a counterattack. Loki fell to one knee as the shield began to drain more from him, but he retained it until he heard the last avenger disappear from the hall. He reduced the shield to only covering him and Bucky, and then disappeared into a nearby room, along with the Winter Soldier.

"Ugh." Loki groaned, looking at his stomach, where blood oozed out. Bucky drew a gun from the back of his jeans.

"Come on. We don't have any time to waste." He said calmly. "And keep pressure on that." Loki pulled his jacket off his arms, and tied the sleeves around his torso, over the wound. He pulled a dagger from heaven only knows WHERE, and nodded at Bucky. They wordlessly crept out of the room, weapons up and ready to use.

"The Avengers split up." Loki said in a hushed voice. "Half of them are to the right, the other half is to the left." Bucky nodded, and made a move to go to the left. "If we separate, I cannot maintain my invisibility shield around you." He warned.

Bucky nodded again, but didn't hesitate in stealthily moving forward. Loki crept down the hall, silently hitting any Hydra agent with the pommel of his daggers, and placing a magical-induced sleep on them. He didn't have any qualms about actually killing them, but he knew that Thor'd had an Asgardian magician place a charm on the Trickster that would alert Thor at the instant Loki killed someone. Thor would show up, and listen to Loki's explanation, and then give him a lecture on another way of doing whatever he did. Since he didn't need that right now, Loki decided to just leave them unconscious. He nudged a door open, and ducked as I fist swung over his head, along with a spider web at his feet that made him trip. "

Captain." He said tensely, cutting the web off his feet. Steve froze, then seemed to relax.

"It's okay, kid." Rogers told Peter, who was literally perched on his shoulder. Peter jumped down, and Loki conjured a light, which he gave to Steve. Peter just used the light on his phone.

"Where is Strange?" Loki asked quietly, while listening for the telltale sound of armored footsteps.

"I don't know. I think he is somewhere around here, but-"

"Okay." Loki cut him off, and placed his hand on a boarded up window.

"It's not breakable." Peter said seriously. "Believe me, we've tried." Loki smirked at them as he felt the metal on the window.

"We'll see about that." He closed his eyes and let his Jotun form rise rise to the surface. He opened his now-crimson eyes, and focused on cooling down the metal. Frost radiated out from his hand, and the metal groaned under the strain. He stepped back, and looked at Steve.

"Try now." Steve huffed a sigh, and motioned for Peter to come with him. They backed up, then ran at the frozen metal, leaping into the air and kicking it with the force of two enhanced individuals combined. Ironically, just the merest tap from a finger would've shattered the brittle metal, so Captain America and Spider-Man went flying through the window, and out into the sunlight. They happened to be a good fifty feet in the air, on the third level of the house, but Loki just smirked and re-sealed be window with a layer of ice. He knew they would be alright. He silently snuck out of the room, knocked out three Hydra agents that had come to investigate the noise, and crept up to the next room. He stepped around the many "haunted house" themed creepy things on the floor, and checked the room. Finding it empty, he turned to leave, but was struck in the chest with a beam of energy.

"Ouch." He grumbled, getting to his feet and glaring at Strange. The magician tried to hide his smirk.

"Oops." Loki rolled his eyes, and conjured a portal under the sorcerer, who promptly fell through it with a squeal. Loki then moved off to help Bucky. He passed many Hydra agents that were scattered all around, and he followed the trail of downed agents to where Bucky had just knocked out another.

"Find any Avengers yet?" He asked quietly. Bucky didn't even blink at Loki's sudden appearance.

"Yeah. I found the nerdy doctor." Loki raised an eyebrow, and positioned himself back to back with Bucky as Hydra agents advanced on them from all angles.

"Dr Banner?" Loki questioned, kicking away a knife from an agent's hand. "What did you do?" He punched the man, who went flying through the wall. Bucky did the same with one of the men attacking him.

"I just," he kicked another agent into two more, sending all three down. "Threw him out a window." Loki snickered.

"You know he is the beast referred to as 'the hulk', right?" Bucky shrugged, and quickly dispatched the remaining two agents as he answered.

"He wasn't conscious."

"That's probably for the best. I doubt you would get along with the Hulk."

"Why? Cause you don't?"

"Yes."

"Okay, you might have a point." Loki made Bucky invisible again as the lights flickered back on. They found Clint in one room, carrying an unconscious Nat. Her forehead was bleeding, but Loki healed her with a quick spell. Clint nodded his thanks, and Loki opened a portal, which the archer stepped through, carrying his partner. "Is that everyone?" Bucky asked. "Well, there was the Captain, the baby spider, the earth wizard, the 'nerdy doctor', Barton, and the mother spider. We're still missing Stark."

"Seriously, dude. You gotta stop talking to yourself." The aforementioned genius said fully, leaning against the door.

"Says the mortal that took the Avengers into an ambushed 'house of horrors'." Loki shot back. Stark shrugged.

"We're all okay though."

"No thanks to you." Loki seethed through his teeth. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. I did get the lights on, though. And took out a couple agents, and put trackers on a couple agents, and-" Loki touched Stark's head, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Ugh. Thank you." Bucky sniffed, looking at the genius. "I think I could've killed him if he kept talking."

Loki chuckled in response, and easily picked up Tony, before stepping through a portal to where the Avengers were huddled in the Greyhound, nursing their wounds and trying to avoid an angry Aunt May.

"You forgot something." Loki announced, and dumped the unconscious Tony onto Steve. He sat down with a groan, and tied the jacket tighter around his waist. He was in pain, but he'd endured far worse pain. Also, he didn't want anyone to notice his weakness. Bucky frowned at him, and poked his wound. For that, the supersoldier ended up same as Tony; out cold on the bench.

Loki didn't like dealing with irritating Midgardians.

Natasha eyed him for a moment before grabbing his arm and speaking to the group.

"We'll be right back."

"Natasha." Steve warned.

"Relax. We'll be right back." She dragged Loki out of the van and around the corner of the house.

"How bad?" She questioned crossing her arms.

"I don't know what you mean." The trickster grumbled.

"Let me refresh your memory. A gun was fired at cap, but it never hit its target; not to mention the fact that you stepped right in the way of the oncoming bullet."

"My shield caught it.."

"Your shield didn't go up for another two seconds after the gun fired." Natasha yanked the jacket off to reveal the blood seeping through his shirt.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I was going to wait until I was alone, but you'll insist on bugging me about it." Loki admitted.

"I can take the bullet out right here." Nat offered.

Loki shook his head. Holding the palm of his hand out in front of him, he focused. A green shimmer enveloped his hand, and the bullet was resting there seconds later. In another five seconds he was fully healed.

"That's handy." Natasha admitted.

"Can we go now?" Loki hissed in frustration.

"Sounds good to me."

-Sparrow's Sea food joint-

"Isn't there supposed to be a captain in here somewhere?" Tony asked looking around the room.

"Don't be corny." Bruce scolded as he popped a bite of octopus into his mouth.

"And by the way, there IS a captain here." Strange yawned, jabbin a finger in Steve's direction  

"You call this lunch? I wouldn't even classify this as food." Clint used his fork to prod the lifeless rubbery shrimp on his plate like it would suddenly jump up and murder him.

"I think this is the best thing I've tasted on this pathetic mud ball." Loki admitted as he bit into a piece of salmon.

"Well I'm glad you like it. I was able to get a great deal on this 'Cannon Kill Kracken'." Tony chuckled.

"Canon kill?" Clint asked sarcastically.

"Um probably a play on words. You know road kill, canon kill?" Tony pointed out.

"Shouldn't it be like 'kill-hauled' then?" Clint asked, then he snickered and elbowed Nat.

"Keel-hauled, kill-hauled?"

"That is a terrible pun… Just kill me now." Natasha grumbled.

"You mortals are insufferable." Loki grumbled.

"You Asgardians are pompous idiots." Strange shot back.

"Вы когда-нибудь замечали, что Странный похож на Mole Rat?(Have you ever noticed that Strange looks like a mole rat?)" Clint asked Natasha.

"да" Loki spoke up. (Yes).

"You speak Russian?" Natasha asked in surprise.

"Indeed, so does Thor. Mother made us learn many languages from many realms; she said it might come in handy some day...Speaking of which, he does look like one. И Тор выглядит как золотистый ретривер." (and Thor looks like a Golden Retriever).

" Who looks like what?" Tony asked, referring to Loki's cryptic statement from earlier.

Natasha and Clint merely snickered.

\- Tony's nice hotel-

The team was worn out. They had decided to call it quits early that day, and find a place to stay. Tony had driven through most of the town before they found a decent hotel. Tony spoke to the guy at the front desk; upon returning he looked crestfallen.

"There's a plumber's convention. All they have is a hastel, and it's a tent set up out back."

(note: hastle, not hostle.)

"Sir!" Tony whipped around as the clerk rushed back out. "We do actually have one room available."

"Thankyou we'll take it and six of the hostel beds." Natasha spoke from the back.

"Yes ma'am." The Clerk nodded.

"Oh, I claim the room!" Tony shouted.

Raising a finger to Tony's lips, Natasha glared at him. "May and I are taking the room. Am I understood?"

Tony nodded.

"Good."

Natasha stepped out of the van and dragged her bags out of the back. Soon she and May had departed, and the boys contemplated the long night ahead.

"This is horrifically disgusting" Loki hissed. The Hastel was grimy and filthy. The beds hardly looked clean, and it reeked horribly. There was a small bathroom in the back with a shower.

"How is this my life?" Tony shook his head dejectedly.

"It could be worse." Steve pointed out.

"Yes, Stark, you could be in the dungeon of the Dwarves. They are particularly rancid, and the food is half rotten... _if your fortunate enough to get food,_ which in the case of myself and Thor, we were not."

The plumbers gave them weird looks, and Tony put both hands in the air.

"Yes ladies and gentlemen, we are in-fact the Avengers, and we are in fact staying here. Please continue about your business and forget about the former supervillain standing here!" Tony shouted, and all eyes shot to Loki.

Loki walked forward and tapped Stark on the shoulder. The billionaire spun around and the trickster glared daggers at him. "Shut up, you Imbecile. What do you think Fury will do if people find out I'm waltzing around free?"

"Don't kill us please!" One plumber squawked.

"Oh. Relax, I'm reformed, and working with the Avengers. Loki closed his eyes, and shot a green wave across the room, wiping the plumber's minds of the last five minutes.

They looked dazed and then continued about their business, completely ignoring the Avengers.

"Dude, you have to stop messing with people's heads." Hawkeye deadpanned.

"Shut up, Barton."

The captain drew Loki to the side, and allowed the rest of the team to find their beds.

"Nat, told me what you did. You saved me from a world of hurt, and you more than likely saved one or more of our lives."

"I did not intend to take that bullet for you." Loki grumbled.

"Maybe not, but you still saved us... How did you know about Hydra anyway?"

"A little birdie told me." Loki smirked thoroughly enjoying the annoyed look from Bucky. "And that was my good deed by the way. Don't expect it to happen again." The Trickster said pointedly, as he walked away.

Steve just shook his head, smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry for the lateness. We have this story completely written, but you wouldn't imagine how busy I've been. 
> 
> (P.S. Also a hastel is a large room with lots of beds. Jsyk)

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings fellow Avengers fans, it is I Darkwolfthewriter. I would like to mention that this fanfiction is NOT Infinity War compliant, nor will it be. We began writing this before it came out, and finished just after.
> 
> I will try to update this fic once of not twice a week. 
> 
> 'Till next time!


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